Tantrum Tuesday*

I've tried not to let this blog morph into a diet blog or to talk too much about my health and the size of my jeans, but it is the big news in my life, so I guess it has been creeping into every post.

However, I don't think my willingness to share should invite inquiries out of the blue and with questions I cannot, or should not answer.

A few months ago, I received an email from someone who asked how I was losing so much weight so fast and my reply was to say that I work closely with my doctor and do not feel I should give anyone advice, especially when I had never met them.

The reply then was to be asked if the chemo treatment was "making me lose faster".

Was I wrong to take offense at that?

I don't think so and I don't think that I need to explain myself to anyone but the people I live with** and my doctors***.

And to get yet another email, a few days ago, asking if I was okay and how the weight loss was going (even though I have blogged about it), when I've tried to make it clear that we are not close, makes me frustrated and angry.

It might be different if this person was a friend, but if this person was a friend, I think they would know better.

Yes, I have lost 120 pounds in 10 months. This was after 6+ years on steroids and a few years of eating without really acknowledging what I was eating. Living like that messed up my blood sugar, destroyed my knees, cost me two molars and had me buying size 26 pants. I could not walk upstairs without feeling pain and I felt trapped. I now wear a size 10 or 8 and all areas of my health are improving.

How I got from there to here took common sense and patience, lots of patience -especially when I found out that word on the street is that I'm either on drugs or have had weight loss surgery.

Neither is true, but if I had, none of that would be any body's business anyway.

It is hard enough to live in what is a very small town (waves to local lurkers) and to have people give me the "Holy sh*t, Joan" in public. I do like attention, but not always this kind.

I am not a contestant on a game show or that guy who lost all the weight eating sandwiches. I am just trying to be healthy and that includes shedding some of the nonsense that has distracted me and not trying to please every single person who comes my way. I do celebrate the benefits of losing, but there is a trade off when you see acquaintances looking you up and down.

I love my friends and I hope that they understand that I need to hold some of myself back while I finish the process of getting my health back.

It is hard to let go of pain - especially when you've lived with pain defining you - but I cannot give advice or time to someone who trivializes the power of letting it go. If you need to do the work, do it in a way that you can own.

 

 * So much better than Manifesto Monday!

** They are supportive and let me use the microwave first, even when everyone is starving.

*** I have seen 2 doctors in recent weeks who have either not seen me in a while or ever and both of them said I was right on track, one of them said I was "perfect".

Comments

[ccr in MA]

My goodness! As if it's any stranger's business! To me, the word "tantrum" connotes something unreasonable, and I'm with you all the way on this one.

[Linda G Howell]

Hang tough Joan. Your health is your business. You know who your friends are so share as you please and ignore the rest!!

[Marilyn]

Yay to you for the weight loss! Just tell all those nosy Nellies to stick it in their ear. Or any other body part that strikes your fancy...
xoxo

[Stephie]

Yay for you!!!! I am a lurker from out west but may I say, "Rock on!".

[Cookie]

My mum's a breast cancer survivor. I remember her going through chemo and radiation. Not only do I think you have a right to feel as you do regarding that question, I am outraged for you. Chemo and radiation, as you know, are not the same for everyone, and I find it highly offensive that someone had the nerve to ask you that when they do not know what your journey through treatment is/was/has been.

Don't even get me started on the implied suggestion that you were losing weight because of the treatment. There are no words for someone like that. Nor do they deserve any.

[(Not that) Joan]

I love how ccr defined "tantrum" in your first comment. The trouble with weightloss is that it is by its nature a very public process- there is no way to hide it, and people can be unthinking. Give them a couple of months and yo will no longer be a seven-day wonder. That goes for the people you run into. The emailers however, tsk tsk.

[CindyCindy]

It just feels like there are no boundaries at times. Congrats on the weight loss and take what time you need. Your friends will be here.

[donna lee]

Oh for goodness sake! As if it's anyone's business. I was going to say I can't believe that anyone could be that rude but I CAN believe it.

I'm just always glad to see you use words like "better" and "less pain" and "clean bill of health". What you look like doesn't concern me-how you feel? That's another matter. But there are always folks who feel like they are showing their concern when it's really just masking nosiness.

[margene]

You are the only person who counts and if you feel good about yourself, you feel better in general, then you're going in the right direction FOR YOU!
xoxo

[Lisa]

You go girl!

[kitten]

I think people still think chemo makes a person waste away. I also think that people who associate the ability to lose weight with "being good", and who assign all sorts of personality traits to a thin person solely on the basis of being thin, can't understand why you wouldn't trumpet your "virtue" to the world, and maybe even would like to think you had chemical (or surgical) help to lose it - particularly if the person herself is having trouble.
In any case, do what you need to do and wield your email-address-blocker as you like. :D

[Karen]

Hugs x 100

[Lisa in Toronto]

So sorry you have to put up with this kind of guff when you should able to enjoy the positive news.
Glad you could vent to your readers.
have a good week - when will it be spring around Lake Ontario?

[Orli]

It is absolutely none of their business. The only thing anyone should be saying to you is this:

Are you feeling better, healthier, happier? You're in less pain? That's wonderful.

I wish you only the best--I can't even imagine being as strong as you while going through what you have, and to deal with people like that on top of it!

[Cheryl S.]

Yee-haw! Way to go, Joan!
Pleasing yourself is all that matters.
Keep up the good work.

[kmkat]

There was a link on Twitter last night to a blog post about all the dumb and rude things people say to someone with cancer. I can't remember the name of the blogger or her blog, so Google was no help. Except that I got about a gazillion hits on "what not to say cancer".

Let me just say I am so happy that your body is back to a size you are happy with. Steroids can be nasty, although presumably they are sometimes the best choice, or at least the least bad choice. Go, you!

[Mary]

Just keep posting your gorgeous knitting and thoughtful posts. That is why this lurker reads your blog! Thank you for writing it. :)

[Natalie]

People suck.

I'd go with the answer of the doctor who told you you are perfect.

[Kym]

Oh, man. People are so weird. You, though? You are AWESOME.

[Carrie#K]

Gah. People (and society) sucks.

[gayle]

{{hugs}}

(And apparently I'm spending too much time on Rav - I kept trying to hit the 'agree' button on every one of the comments...)

[Annie]

You go girl! Too many people are looking for a quick, easy and undisciplined fix. And when someone is successful through a combination of things that take time, effort and discipline, those ejits that assume you found a quick fix and won't fess up. So I say screw 'em!!!

[KnittyOtter]

Yikes! You have been dealing with some real whack jobs havent you! FFS!

I just hope you are feeling better. Your worth is not based on your butt size. Butt sizes change and frankly your butt size is your own business not internet weirdos who are either jealous or the worst kind of rubber neckers. o.0

You've been dealing with a lot these past few years. For you to do so in a healthy way in pretty damn awesome. Whatever healthy means for you as these moments change even. I hope weirdos leave you alone so you can focus on the postive stuff in your life. *HUGS*

[Sarah]

I am so sorry that you have had these outrageous encounters that are just wrong on so many levels.

I am glad you continue to get positive reports from doctors and you are doing what is best for your health. I was so thrilled to see you had added things to the shop not just because your fibers are fabulous, but my first response was joy that you have a level of wellness that allows you to do this.

Three cheers to the power of letting go. xoxox