I've tried not to let this blog morph into a diet blog or to talk too much about my health and the size of my jeans, but it is the big news in my life, so I guess it has been creeping into every post.
However, I don't think my willingness to share should invite inquiries out of the blue and with questions I cannot, or should not answer.
A few months ago, I received an email from someone who asked how I was losing so much weight so fast and my reply was to say that I work closely with my doctor and do not feel I should give anyone advice, especially when I had never met them.
The reply then was to be asked if the chemo treatment was "making me lose faster".
Was I wrong to take offense at that?
I don't think so and I don't think that I need to explain myself to anyone but the people I live with** and my doctors***.
And to get yet another email, a few days ago, asking if I was okay and how the weight loss was going (even though I have blogged about it), when I've tried to make it clear that we are not close, makes me frustrated and angry.
It might be different if this person was a friend, but if this person was a friend, I think they would know better.
Yes, I have lost 120 pounds in 10 months. This was after 6+ years on steroids and a few years of eating without really acknowledging what I was eating. Living like that messed up my blood sugar, destroyed my knees, cost me two molars and had me buying size 26 pants. I could not walk upstairs without feeling pain and I felt trapped. I now wear a size 10 or 8 and all areas of my health are improving.
How I got from there to here took common sense and patience, lots of patience -especially when I found out that word on the street is that I'm either on drugs or have had weight loss surgery.
Neither is true, but if I had, none of that would be any body's business anyway.
It is hard enough to live in what is a very small town (waves to local lurkers) and to have people give me the "Holy sh*t, Joan" in public. I do like attention, but not always this kind.
I am not a contestant on a game show or that guy who lost all the weight eating sandwiches. I am just trying to be healthy and that includes shedding some of the nonsense that has distracted me and not trying to please every single person who comes my way. I do celebrate the benefits of losing, but there is a trade off when you see acquaintances looking you up and down.
I love my friends and I hope that they understand that I need to hold some of myself back while I finish the process of getting my health back.
It is hard to let go of pain - especially when you've lived with pain defining you - but I cannot give advice or time to someone who trivializes the power of letting it go. If you need to do the work, do it in a way that you can own.
* So much better than Manifesto Monday!
** They are supportive and let me use the microwave first, even when everyone is starving.
*** I have seen 2 doctors in recent weeks who have either not seen me in a while or ever and both of them said I was right on track, one of them said I was "perfect".